PLEASE FILE YOUR APPLICATION TO BE A MARTYR IN TRIPLICATE: Astonishing, yet unsurprising, long story, by David Rohde and C. J. Chivers (who has done some particularly excellent writing from Afghanistan), of the jihad bureaucracy, put together through painstaking analysis of thousands of pages of documents collected from al Queda camps in Afghanistan. If not a must-read, then close.

n Aug. 17, 1995, Amir Maawia Siddiqi, the son of a bookshop owner in a small village in Pakistan, set down his oath of allegiance to the jihad.

"I, Amir Maawia Siddiqi, son of Abdul Rahman Siddiqi, state in the presence of God that I will slaughter infidels my entire life," he wrote.

[...]

They are a decidedly eclectic amalgam. In a house used by the Islamic Movement of Uzbekistan, an Islamist publication inveighed against "the phenomena of the Beatles and the hippies," which had "caused a great danger against the security of America and Europe."

At last, common cause to be found with many right-wing bloggers.

A National Rifle Association target was found in a Harkat house in Kabul. A few miles away, in a Qaeda house, a sign implored, "My brother the mujahid, my brother the visitor, please keep the guest house clean."

Jihad can be so messy.

"Brother, Muhammad Afzal, who is with this letter, is coming for the training," said the letter from a Harkat official in Pakistan. "He is master in karate. You can try to take full advantage of him, very hard-working fellow. Blessings to all other fellows." [...] Many carried letters of introduction as proof of their trustworthiness.

[...]

The list gave this information about a man with the code name Sultan Sajid: "Son of Mr. Muhammad Anwar, owner of sweet store. Age: 18 years. Status: Unmarried. Education: Matriculate and learned Koran by translation. Knows how to make sweets, and can hunt birds and fish. Five brothers and four sisters. Address: Kamoke District Gujranwala, at Saboki dandian. Got permission from home happily."

Of a man code-named Hafiz Abu Muhammad, the document says: "Education: Matriculate, memorized Koran. Knows how to embroider. Served in military for three and a half years. He is fond of jihad; that is why he came to us."

I, myself, am fond of long walks on the beach, and sitting by the fire. Seeking tall blonde shaeed woman in burqa who--, oops, sorry.

But we should watch out for poisoned sweets, and deadly embroidery. On goals, as we know:

Central to their message was the re-establishment of the Caliphate, the era of Islam's ascendancy after the death of Muhammad in the eighth century.

The Caliphate "is the only and best solution to the predicaments and problems from which Muslims suffer today and indubitable cure to the turbulence and internal struggles that plague them," said one English- language treatise. "It will remedy the economic underdevelopment which bequeathed upon us a political dependence on an atheist East and infidel West."

[...]

A quick summary of the "Goals and Objectives of Jihad" was found in a Qaeda house:

"1. Establishing the rule of God on earth.

"2. Attaining martyrdom in the cause of God.

"3. Purification of the ranks of Islam from the elements of depravity."

Another document described the two "illegitimate excuses for leaving Jihad" — "love of the world" and "hatred of death."

The Qaeda Media Committee made sure past victories were remembered. A flier from one guest house advertised a screening of a new film, "The Destruction of the American Destroyer Cole."

"Please let us know your comments and suggestions," the committee wrote.

I think there should be larger holders for our beverage containers. And the seats need more cushioning to recline in. As for the film, the plot was moving, but the characterization was poor; the characters needed greater depth if we were to truly enjoy gloating over their deaths. And where did the director go to film school? Infidel NYU of the Jews? The camera work was far too arty, with too many jump-cuts; if I want that, I can watch Muhammad Godard, and Kabul Committee To Eliminate Vice and Encourage Virtue Blue.

[...] There were syllabuses for a variety of advanced classes. For one class, a Harkat document listed these "standards to be achieved":

"1. Follow the armed person, and kill him quietly.

"2. To be able to patrol closely.

"3. To penetrate at enemy positions with expertise."

Another Harkat class, this one 65 days long, involved instruction in such matters as "hit teams" and "hijacking of air, bus, ship." For yet another, the fourth item on the syllabus was "Movie, `Great Escape.' "

I hope someone has told the marines at Gitmo to be on the look out for different colored dirt be spread around the yard. And to keep all motorcycles very locked up.

[...] Behind the sprawling network of camps lay an extensive bureaucracy. And like every bureaucracy, it churned out paper: expense forms, finance notebooks, computer parts inventories, lists of rented houses.

"Twenty-Second Jihad Division — Kabul Front" had its own forms for tracking soldiers and expenses, with the name of its commander, "Abdul Wakil from Somalia," printed in the lower left-hand corner. "Al Qaeda Ammunition Warehouse" forms kept an inventory of weapons and munitions.

Officials were hounded to monitor spending. In a testy note dated June 19, 2001, a Qaeda official named Abdel Hadi el-Ansary wrote to a colleague, "El Shaikh Abu Abdalla had personally emphasized for the second time the necessity of absolutely sending the budget expenditure tables."

But I e-mailed them last week! I went over this in my PowerPoint presentation, Allah praise it.

Seriously, this is all very much worth reading; I've only quoted a fraction, and I hope Chivers and Rhodes do a book. Reading it, I think of Hannah Arendt, whose insights remain with us: how banal this all is, and how sad and tragic, for them, and for us.