THE IRANIAN DEUCE COUPE (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH COUP): Soon you'll be able to get the first non-governmentally built car in Iran, and Iranian women wil zoom down the highway to Qum in a sporty convertible, feeling their hair flow past their scarf. I can see the commericals now, and the jingle, "Like the Kaaba Rock." How will it compete with:

the government-made Paykan. First made in Britain as the Hunter Hillman, the Paykan remains Iran's most popular car, despite the fact that nary a screw has been redesigned since the first one was built here in 1967.

Its sales have a lot to do with the fact that no other car is so readily available.

"It's a car that should have been put out of production 20 years ago — it doesn't meet any standards for anything," said Hamid Afshar, a young construction engineer bargaining at a downtown showroom. "It looks awful. It deteriorates fast."

Where cars elsewhere come with standard features, the Paykan boasts standard faults, or so owners joke. The more notorious features include a pronounced leftward pull when braking, a clicking sound in the steering column and an engine too weak to power an air-conditioner.

"It has four cylinders, but it burns gas like it has six," said Hadi Salimi, a longtime Paykan owner. Considering that Iran subsidizes gasoline, economists say, it could distribute new cars free and still save money given what Paykans burn.

The Paykan has brand recognition — and sex appeal — akin to a can of Spam luncheon meat, and it comes with a similar array of jokes.

How do you get a Paykan from zero to 60 in 15 seconds? Push it off a cliff.

Why do Paykans come with heated rear windows? To keep your hands warm while pushing.

But in Afghanistan, it's the Car Of The Future.

Iran is a unique place:

[...] "Here in Iran you pick up chicks with cars," explained one 25-year-old businessman.

Unique, as I said.

"They take one look at your car and decide whether to come on board." So far so good with the Anna, he said, but the morals police evaluate your car, too.

"You would be picking up girls with a car with a huge sign on it that says `Stop me.' Why would you do that?" he said. "If the morals police stopped you in a Paykan, they would just say, `Move along, now.' "